I'm sad, confused, worried, and grumpy. I've been dealing with all of this for a long, long time. It's not fair. Why do I have to go through this? When is enough enough. Part of me wonders if I'm being punished for something. I don't know. I'm lost right now.
My last surgery didn't work. I didn't tell anyone that my last surgery failed. Why didnt I say anything? I think partly because I'm embarrassed, and partly because I didn't want to hear people say "Why don't you just give up". They aren't me, they don't know how hard it would be to have NO boobs. Can you imagine not having anything. I don't even think I would feel like a woman anymore. No boobs, no ovaries, nothing.
I have wounds all over the scar line on my breast. They are about the size of quarters. 2 on the left side, 3 on the right. They hurt, and hurt bad. 5 surgeons, my oncologist and my primary doctor have no idea why this is happening. I have no idea why this is happening. I've had these open wounds for 4 years. My PCP told me today that I might have a low grade infection and that's why I'm not healing. She took tons of blood, so I guess we'll see. If I do have an infection then the implants have to come out for at least 3 months. I go see a plastic surgeon in Vail on Friday. I'm hoping he can just cut down to the implant and sew upwards. Will this work? Doubtful. There is another surgery for reconstruction call the tram flap. I've been avoiding this surgery with all costs. Basically they would cut fat from my stomach and tunnel it up to the breast. If I had the tram flap, I would not have to have implants. This surgery is 9 hours. Can my body handle a 9 hour surgery? Doubtful.
I just had to vent -
10 comments:
Vent away! You are an amazing woman! I don't know why this has happenend to you but I am wishing you peace as you deal with it. Thinking of you.
Oh Meredith, I am so sorry you are having to go through all of this. You are amazing! I am praying for you.
I'm so sorry Meredith. I don't know why you have to go through this. Just know that you aren't being punished for anything. You are a good person and sometimes bad things happen to good people. I'll pray for you and put your name in the temple. Just know that I'm thinking about you.
See, lots of people praying for you, things have to look up soon. You are an amazingly strong woman. I am so sorry you are having to deal with this, but no, it's not something you've done. Like Elena said, sometimes bad things happen to awesome people. Chin up. This too shall pass... one day. :) Love ya!
I'm so sorry, Meredith!! You are one strong woman and this is certainly not fair!! I'm praying for you.
Oh Mer. I'm so sorry. There is no need to feel embarrassed about this - we are all here to support you. I just can't imagine how it would be to deal with this. Don't give up - and vent away whenever you need. I only wish there was more I could do. :(
Oh man. that sounds terrible. I'm just amazed that you're always so upbeat and positive about things, it's ok to vent. I hope you get some answers and some relief. You're in my thoughts and prayers. I'm just so sorry.
Thinking of you.....
Ah, Meredith !! I popped over to catch up with you !!! If you aren't healing maybe the Tram flamp would be a good idea.. the surgery is amazing.. and not usually 9 hours.. My cousin had it done and her breasts are amazing and Perky ! Please call me or send me a message anytime you need to talk !! I LOVE YOU VERY MUCH
Oh honey, I had no idea. You've been such a huge support for me lately. I can't believe I didn't know you were going through this. I can't imagine what you're going through but want you to know that I feel for you, am here for you, and will pray that you heal. Sending you all my love!
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