Down and Out

I'm sad, confused, worried, and grumpy. I've been dealing with all of this for a long, long time. It's not fair. Why do I have to go through this? When is enough enough. Part of me wonders if I'm being punished for something. I don't know. I'm lost right now.

My last surgery didn't work. I didn't tell anyone that my last surgery failed. Why didnt I say anything? I think partly because I'm embarrassed, and partly because I didn't want to hear people say "Why don't you just give up". They aren't me, they don't know how hard it would be to have NO boobs. Can you imagine not having anything. I don't even think I would feel like a woman anymore. No boobs, no ovaries, nothing.

I have wounds all over the scar line on my breast. They are about the size of quarters. 2 on the left side, 3 on the right. They hurt, and hurt bad. 5 surgeons, my oncologist and my primary doctor have no idea why this is happening. I have no idea why this is happening. I've had these open wounds for 4 years. My PCP told me today that I might have a low grade infection and that's why I'm not healing. She took tons of blood, so I guess we'll see. If I do have an infection then the implants have to come out for at least 3 months. I go see a plastic surgeon in Vail on Friday. I'm hoping he can just cut down to the implant and sew upwards. Will this work? Doubtful. There is another surgery for reconstruction call the tram flap. I've been avoiding this surgery with all costs. Basically they would cut fat from my stomach and tunnel it up to the breast. If I had the tram flap, I would not have to have implants. This surgery is 9 hours. Can my body handle a 9 hour surgery? Doubtful.

I just had to vent -

My toothless boy!

He lost another -

Meg's First Meet

Meghan had her very first gymnastic meet this weekend. It was Denver, so we had to dive down the night before. 3 1/2 hour drive to Denver. If you know me, you know I HATE to drive to Denver. Dennis wasn't able to come, so it was just me and the kids. My parents were able to come to the meet. Meg was really happy to see them. They had a long drive as well. 2 1/2 hours. Meghan did really well considering she was pretty sick. Her eyes were practically swollen shut, and I had her loaded up on meds. I was proud of Meghan. Even though she was sick and obviously not feeling well, she still competed and didn't complain. That's dedication.

Double Digits

My Baby Girl is 10! We had cupcakes and she opened a few presents. Meghan had a friend here for the last 2 days so she was happy with that. Meghan has a sleepover Birthday party this weekend. I told Meghan she could invite 5 friends to sleep over. Well, I had 12 parents RSVP. Hmmmm, I thought I said 5??? Oh well, It should be one hectic night. Oh, I won't be there for the first part of the party. Poor Dennis!

Happy Birthday Meghan. We love you!

Mt Sopris

Today we decided to hike up Mt. Sopris. This is my all time favorie mountain. The view of this mountain from Glenwood is beautiful. I really love when it has snow on it. The mountain looks more 3D. We took a dirt road up as far as we could. We were able to drive about 12 miles from the sumit. It was more off roading than driving. When we got out of the car to start our hike we realized it was FREEZING up there, and raining to boot. None of us brought any kind of jackets because it was 90 degrees when we left the house. So, we didn't get to hike up to the summit. Next time!

Happy Birthday Zackary!

Dear Zack,

I can't believe you are 6 years old. Where has the time gone? It feels like just yesterday you were born.




Our family was complete the day you were born. You are such a happy kid. You wake up happy and go to bed happy. You have a smile on your face all the time. Look at these 2 pictures I found of you. This shows how happy you are. Your smile is contagious.






You've been making us laugh so much lately. A few nights ago, we were watching Six Days 7 Nights. You really liked that movie. The day after the movie, I asked you to hurry and get me a towel. You turned around to me with a serious face and said " I'll get right on that Maam". I couldn't believe you remembered that line from the movie! Some other things that you say -

1. Don't you ever Ha Ha me.
2. Why don't you just call the guy?
3. I don't care who started it, I'll finish it!

I'm sure there are more things, but these are the ones that really stand out to me.

When you were little we always sang " You are My Sunshine". We sang it duet style. I'm so glad you still like to sing it with me even though you are 6 years old. If you go over to the Cobb Family Video Blog, you can see one of our duets ------>


Since you've been a year old, you have loved olives. I thought it was just a phase you were going through, but you are 6 years old now, and you still love black olives! Here are a couple of pictures of you and your Aunt Aspen.




Some of your favorite things -

The guitar. Oh, how you love to play the guitar. You love to make up your own songs. You love The Eagles. Your favorite song to play and sing to is "Take It Easy". We have a few video's of you playing your guitar on our video blog.


The garden - You love to help dad in the garden. You've worked so hard to water and pull the weeds in the garden. I love seeing your face when you see a grown vegitable.




Croqute - You love to play Crocqute. You have loved to play this game ever since you've been able to walk.






Zack, these are just a few things about you. There is so much more that makes you who you are. We love you so much. Happy Birthday!

Love,

Mom and Dad