I'm sad, confused, worried, and grumpy. I've been dealing with all of this for a long, long time. It's not fair. Why do I have to go through this? When is enough enough. Part of me wonders if I'm being punished for something. I don't know. I'm lost right now.
My last surgery didn't work. I didn't tell anyone that my last surgery failed. Why didnt I say anything? I think partly because I'm embarrassed, and partly because I didn't want to hear people say "Why don't you just give up". They aren't me, they don't know how hard it would be to have NO boobs. Can you imagine not having anything. I don't even think I would feel like a woman anymore. No boobs, no ovaries, nothing.
I have wounds all over the scar line on my breast. They are about the size of quarters. 2 on the left side, 3 on the right. They hurt, and hurt bad. 5 surgeons, my oncologist and my primary doctor have no idea why this is happening. I have no idea why this is happening. I've had these open wounds for 4 years. My PCP told me today that I might have a low grade infection and that's why I'm not healing. She took tons of blood, so I guess we'll see. If I do have an infection then the implants have to come out for at least 3 months. I go see a plastic surgeon in Vail on Friday. I'm hoping he can just cut down to the implant and sew upwards. Will this work? Doubtful. There is another surgery for reconstruction call the tram flap. I've been avoiding this surgery with all costs. Basically they would cut fat from my stomach and tunnel it up to the breast. If I had the tram flap, I would not have to have implants. This surgery is 9 hours. Can my body handle a 9 hour surgery? Doubtful.
I just had to vent -